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  • Writer's picturerhoyte8

Relational conflict resolution / Couples conflict resolution

Updated: Jan 25

Sometimes when an individual have different views to the society they live in, or when individuals in a relationship, or in a family have different views or ideas, this can result in challenging interactions which can be detrimental to the individual, couple relationship, or family relationships. To resolve these challenges individuals set about to find solutions to what they perceive as the problem, they usually draw on their own experiences of life (sometimes conferring with others) to come up with what they believe is the solution. However sometimes they attempt to solve the problems ends up exacerbating the issue instead of resolving it and at times creates new issues.  

For example 

  • A person feeling depressed may avoid socializing as a way of trying to avoid others seeing them sad or depressed, but this attempted solution can lead to their sense of social isolation, increasing their sense of sadness and depression. 

  • in personal disputes and conflicts, both parties may try to assert their points more forcefully when they feel unheard, this can escalate the conflict instead of resolving it and make the attempted solution (asserting one’s point of view hoping that the other person would see things their way) part of the problem (escalating the conflict) 

  • In organizations or in society, well-intentioned policies can sometimes lead to unintended negative consequences. Setting targets in health care institutions to reduce waiting times can lead to a target driven culture that neglects other important aspects of care  

Individuals, couples, families, or any group of people can often get stuck in patterns of behaviour that they believe are solutions to their problems. These attempted solutions can often become part of the problem, especially when these attempted solutions are repeated despite being ineffective. Repeating unsuccessful attempts at solutions may actually serve to perpetuate and further entrench the problem     

The key to bringing about effective change is to avoid repeating unsuccessful attempts at solutions in such situations, and to recognize when an attempted solution is not working and consider alternative approaches. This might involve doing something different or trying to understand underlying issues. Sometimes it may involve seeking outside help from a professional. Seeking help from a psychotherapist who is trained in understanding these dynamics can be a helpful resource in helping individuals, couples and families to navigate these challenges. 

At R Hoyte Psychotherapy Service ( we are very experienced at helping people and organizations to navigate these challenges. We help people to identify redundant, stuck patterns, and problematic feedback loops. The therapeutic aim is to provide them with clarity in understanding their unhelpful patterns an empowering them to creating more helpful patterns and interactions thus freeing them from unhelpful behaviours.    

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